...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My day in three words: secret purse cake
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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