I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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