the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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