Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
