Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
