and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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