My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
