did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
