Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
