honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
