couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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