Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
