I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
