im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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