there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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