I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
