she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
