told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
