Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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