false alarm. still invincible.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
