Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
