I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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