We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I party with great urgency now.
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