so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
