Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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