Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
