Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
