Just mADE A PArabola og urine
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
