So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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