i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
