Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
