I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
