i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
