we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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