She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
