I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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