so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
