please come you make the beer taste better
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
