Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
