See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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