I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Randomize
