he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Green mimosas i think yes
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Randomize