doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
