Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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