Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
no, he came in my armpit
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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