I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
