Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
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