i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
