doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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