oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
