I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
