All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
