I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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