You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Randomize
