Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I think weed is turning my hair brown
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
