Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
