are you still at the devil's house?
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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