So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
