rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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