Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
