i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i will never coherently bang her
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
