does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
