i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize