every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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