She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
