I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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