I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
