Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
