my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
