This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
