I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You were trust falling into bushes
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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